yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
