If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
