Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
