I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
