I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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