I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
