Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
