I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
