I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
