Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
