I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
