just tell him i said nine months
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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