Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
