no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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