one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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