if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
