my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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