You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
