I never want to see another naked old woman again.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
