i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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