it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
