my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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