so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
