Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
