so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Send help, water and tortillas.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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