Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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