just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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