My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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