Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
