So drunk its hurt
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
