If that was your dad, he is hot
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
