She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
