Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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