everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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