so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Randomize
