i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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