I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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