My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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