best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
