He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
