i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
