I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
