I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
