She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
