we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
