U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
