i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
