And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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