He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Be still, my beating vagina.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
