I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
