those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
