please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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