The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
ttyl tear gas
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
