Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
