Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
