he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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