OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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